The Scotia Bank Theatre and I have a brief partical of history from the days when I used to live in Toronto. This theatre, then having just opened, was the place where I stood in line for over six hours to score prime seating for the debut of Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace back in May of 1999. Though I didn’t dress up in Jedi robes or wear a set of Yoda ears I was as excited as those in line with and when the lights in the theatre dimmed and the familiar music started to play I sat engrossed by the technical wizardry and the imagination of George Lucas. Then, like others, laying back in bed that night thinking about the film I realized something…something didn’t quite sit right. Messa thinks the flick isa big doodoo now. I also dated a manager from the attached to the theatre Chapters store. She had two cats: Obi-wan and Jedi. She didn’t really even like Star Wars (and this was BEFORE the prequels!). After our bitter breakup (one should never ask for ass to mouth on date three) I spent the rest of my time avoiding that corner although, secretly, I like to blame Jar Jar.
The drive from Ottawa to Toronto is about 5 hours…six if you are trailing behind a caravan carrying some large, cylindrical foundation for what could only be a bridge. Thankfully there was much 80s mix CDs to be listened to and coffee to drink. The last time Kerry and I had seen Kevin live (from the front?) was in Vancouver when he got a guy to strip nude on stage, told a tale of breaking a toilet and cried telling a story about Gretzky to the point where he had to walk off stage. There were rumblings around our seats that evening that Smith was just acting. Now we know better, don't we? Ya' gotta' love a dude not afraid to show emotion...heavy emotion...daily.
Toronto, thankfully warmer than our home city and devoid of copious piles of snow, isn’t an easy place to find a vegetarian restaurant –at least not in the downtown core. Anyone want to help a kinda' vegan out? Finding parking, however, was surprisingly easy if not ludicrously expensive. The show was still many hours away. We passed the time snapping photographs around Union Station before eventually making our way to the theatre area. Look what we found along the way.
If anyone deserves a star on the Canadian Walk of Fame it’s God.
Any Canuck worth his salt has to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame when in Toronto. Alright, I admit it. I've lived in this city and I still have not actually been inside the building. Where do I go to turn in my citizanship card?
For those fans expecting to snag last minute tickets to the event the signs posted on the doors would say: Sorry, you’re shit out of luck, buddy. The show was sold out. The theatre capacity, I was told, was actually lessened some by the amount of camera equipment needed to film the event.
Kind of humorous to see a Kev poster paired with LEONARDO live. Where's Alec Baldwin?
We found this poster for Todd and the Book of Pure Evil near the dingy back ally of the theatre. Spooky noochies.
Before the show there was a meet up at what is dubbed by some to be the best burger joint in Toronto: Grindhouse Burger bar. Knowing we wouldn’t be able to eat 99% of the meal (but there’s always fries!) we figured nobody would go for switching venues to a place with more salad.
Attending the meet up were: @Less_Than_Mike, @thepuffytaco, @risen72, @reapermattatt, @cisternbentgf and a few others which I am sorry to have forgotten their Twitter handles. Give me hell, folks!
It was nice to shoot the shit with likeminded Smith fans. The place did have a veggie burger and in between bites I shoved a mic in people’s faces to get interview clips for the SmodSquad Pod. Most of these folks were hardcore fans, some having seen Kevin live over 8 times. This only being my second I felt very virginal in the presence of these folks. Some of them had even played hockey in the Walter's Street Hockey Tournament and sported custom made jerseys with their team logo on it. Hey, Ming, you’re on a hockey jersey, yo!
We cut out of the meet up early. We’d be lugging around a gift for Kev and Co. and it was time to deliver it. I’d been chatting with Jordan (for those who don’t know: Jason’s wife) about passing this along to her and after getting Jay backstage she came out to pick up an updated as can be framed print of the SIRgeant Pepper image I’ve been working on since the summer. Whatever you have heard about Jordan’s charming sweetness is validated 10 fold by the Bus Driver.
Security was beefed up for this event and the line, which had extended around the theatre, was moving slowly. Worse, they were confiscating cameras and placing them into paper sacks under a table. Ack! We stored ours in a locked room with customer service to be on the safer side and joined the line which soon started moving a lot quicker. Somebody must have realized that the show was going live to nearly 600 theatres in about 10 minutes and three quarters of the live audience hadn’t even taken their seats yet. The formalities of a long search were tossed out the window and within five minutes we, after doing a double take while passing Kev being interviewed in the entranceway, claimed our second row seats.
Kev hit the stage to intro the event to the expected thunderous applause and Mewes followed soon after the cue of the now familiar podcast theme! I don’t want to spoil the show too much for those awaiting it’s arrival on Smodcast.com but with topics ranging from turtle sex, Jason’s first sexual experience and blowjob musical accompaniment you are sure to not be disappointed. Comedy doesn’t always induce those laughter tears in me. There’s pretty much anything by Carlin, the first time I watched Delerious and that Kinison bit on World Hunger. Tonight, though, they were streaming. Listening to Kevin and Jay interact on Get Old and watching them do so is different and the added visual element I now realize is really missed on the show downloads. Kevin’s facial expressions to Jason’s rapid fire delivery, wandering topics and animated gestures is priceless. It really looks like, even though these two have known each other for years, that Jason still outs with things that surprises the fuck out of Kevin thus maintaining a strange freshness to their friendship even after all this time.
Then the power went out. Oh fuck! I recall seeing Springsteen a few years back when this happened (also in Ontario so take note performers from New Jersey that Ontario Hydro has it out for you!). Bruce said: “This is the time when there are a lot of panicked people racing around back there wondering who fucked up!” Kevin, on this night, looked at one of the members of the stage crew (who was now sweating profusely) and said: “Is Toronto under attack!”
After a couple of more glitches (we really needed the Jammaster at this show... James?) the show could continue and following a brief intermission which showed new footage of AMC’s The Comic Book Men Kevin and Jay returned for the second half of the show answering questions from Twitter, the live crowd and even one from Youtube. Kev took most of the questions while Mewes mugged to the crowd from a nearby couch stopping only to fuck a stuffed brocolli that was there. Seriously, what the hell was a stuffed brocolli doing on stage? Was this somebody's request?
I’d been used to mic being set up in the aisle that you cued up at to ask questions but when I moved closer to the area where the first few questions were asked from security told me that the people had already been chosen. I wondered when did this happen? I guess I missed the draft lottery. The lady next to us was one of those chosen. For those who have seen the Evening With Kevin Smith Toronto show this was the gal who was there with her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend. Now with an update, her and her boyfriend Puss are engaged and her ex is one of the groomsmen.
Florished with gifts ranging from a Jay and Silent Bob Canadian flag and, of course, TimBits, Kev took far more questions then usual (maybe more than all the DVD releases combined!) but favorites included a nervous man’s list of things Batman should fight (world hunger, indifference, robotic Stephen Hawking), the revelation of Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie (Coming soon!) and a gal who really wanted to play LET US FUCK! I mean, the chick was practically sopping on the floor. When Kev asked the crowd for topics I could only think of one. I yelled out “Snappy and Snipper” (the stars of the aforementioned turtle sex segment). Kev pointed at me, motioned to Mewes and his fuckee and with the familiar call of “LET US FUUUUUCK!” the two proceeded to fornicate like only the best of turtles can. Watching it I had a moment where I thought: Shit, was my voice just heard on 700 movie screens? Me thinks that's the closet I'm going to get. No, wait, Smodcast Pictures here I come!
Kev, with a grin, watched as the act finished and in his usual fashion of quick wit stated:
“And that was Live From Behind!”
That woman with a bf/ex-bf was insane. Did you ask her how they were chosen ahead of time to ask questions? As a viewer in New Brunswick, I can say there were so many weirdos who got to the mic, I figured it had to be random.
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